First of all, I must say my favorite music blogs have to be  The Recommender, Any Decent Music ? and Brooklyn Vegan. The amount of musical knowledge about new bands, reviews, interviews, etc. is astoundingly on point. Pitchfork is amazing as well, but they’re really an online mag (and good God are their album reviews boring…and this is coming from a chick who reads dead german writers, nihilists and existentialists on the regular!).

OK, so I’m still working on the book with Gordon Raphael and he just told me the most insane story (that no one has EVER heard before) about the last night of recording Is This It with The Strokes. That’s all I can say now, but trust me it’s amazing and crazier than you think. Just so you can see why this whole book thing is going to be rad you can check out our 3 part interview here (and yeah, I said it “rad” like Patty Smyth “Warrior” rad).

I was anticipating that I would be writing a lovely review tonight of how great the new Julian Casablancas solo record is, but then I listened to it.  I can honestly say that it is such utter crap that I can not lie to you or myself and pretend for one minute that this is quality.  It is not.  Unless, the universe played a massive game of “let’s mess with Angie’s head” and “great” suddenly meant “shit” and “shit” meant “great” and “I love you” meant “go fuck yourself”.

However, I’m not in the mood for games.  Bad records don’t piss me off, but what does piss me off is when a ton of journalists kiss ass to a rockstar because of what he used to do (i.e The Strokes and most notably Is This It).  Every review I have read so far of Phrazes for the Young, by huge magazines that shall remain nameless, all say how great and progressive it is.  What are they on?  Honestly, I loved Julian’s prior work and I sincerely wanted this to be a good record, but when I hear songs like “Ludlow Street” (that sound like a bad country song) I just can’t stomach it.  Ok, so let’s go.

Here’s my condensed review of Julian Casablancas’ Phrazes for the Young.

1. Out Of The Blue – Repetitive, but great chorus.

2. Left & Right In The Dark – Sounds like what the record could have been.

3. 11th Dimension – Good. That’s all I’ll say, because this album has literally exhuasted me from its wretchedness.

4. 4 Chords Of The Apocalypse – Sounds like Jules stumbled into a church one night and sat down at the organ then thought “Well screw it, might as well write a song while I sober up.”  Except, he’s a clean family man now and so that leaves no excuses for bad blues/gospel songs with lyrics like:

 ”I’ll take you shopping.  I’ll take you out dancing too.  I’ll take you out, whatever you wanna do…and I’ll give you diamonds and I’ll give you space…”

Wow, really? I’ve always wanted diamonds and space!  Actually, I just want this song to ride a diamond into space and just sort of orbit the moon…forever.

5. Ludlow St. – A Johnny Cash impersonation at a karaoke bar.

6. River Of Brakelights- A hot mess with a guitar on top.

7. Glass – A little rough, but example number two of what the album could have been.

8. Tourist – Just boring.

My final grade is a C- and that is only because there are two decent songs  and one really good one.  Ok, I’m done.  Let’s never speak of this again.

In my heart I truly, truly believe Electric Tickle Machine was created for me and me alone.  I have never heard of a band name that sounded so much like both a masturbatory device AND a character on Sesame Street.  It’s a name that revels in every Freudian slip ever made.  Claps to you Electric Tickle Machine!

Other than that, it has similarities to the rest of the indie rock coming from Brooklyn’s current band explosion…with the exception that it’s catchier and more melodic than a lot of it.  So often indie music gets a bit lost in it’s pretension, but ETM seems as if they get that.  They’re offering up vaguely California-esque garage rock with a side of cheek (look at the nip slip on their album cover for proof).  It reminds me of a bizarre mash-up of Sonic Youth, Libertines, Stooges, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and BRMC with Animal Collective moments.

Their debut album Blew It Again came out on October 7th and they’re currently on tour.  Check their Myspace for dates.

http://www.myspace.com/electricticklemachine

If you don’t know them you should. Oh, how rude of me…introductions are in order.

Reader, meet International Espionage.
International Espionage, meet the Reader.

In the spirit of how the theme of everything these guys do (from gigs to videos to lyrics) is about spies, I highly suggest you use “The Reader” as your code name.  If you ever want to be a good spy that is.  Why?  Because it sounds sexy AND literate!  If you want to be a crappy spy, I highly suggest going by “The Duck”.  It’s just not cool and only brings to mind things that are wet and yellow.

http://www.myspace.com/espionagempls

 I am sitting at my computer and making a very important decision.  Which is more entertaining: anLOL cat, Gliss’ song “Morning Light” or this handcarved Evil Dead guitar?

This is hard. I’ll go with Gliss.

I am not into the hip hop or le rap, but I like hybrids. 

Aleister X mixes hip hop, glam rock and punk.  He also looks like Michael Meyers dressed up as one of the Baseball Furies from the 1970’s cult classic The Warriors.  I literally can not describe his music.  I don’t think it’s possible.  If I could manage it, all of space and time would implode.

I can tell you that if I saw him in a dark room, I would pee myself out of fear and then he would rap about “Bangers and Beans” over electro beats with a Clash hook and I would giggle while also peeing myself.

http://www.myspace.com/aleisterx

You like indie?  You like the Smiths, Morrissey, post-punk, new wave, etc etc etc etc etc etc?  Then I have a present for you http://www.myspace.com/thepainsofbeingpureatheart

Thank me later.  I accept Paypal and adorations.

P.S. My favorite song (not that you give a shit) is “Young Adult Friction”.

Young adult friction, is that like awkward teenage make-out sessions involving dry-humping while braces clash and the radio blasts some terrible pop song in the background or a stance on youth gang violence?  Either way they are young and they are causing friction…possibly friction burns as well. Be careful kids…be careful.

I am so sorry Dirty Projectors, but I just don’t like you. I find you to be pretentious and obscure for no other reason than so your hipster friends can name drop you at their next Williamsburg BBQ to their Lower East Side friends.  When I listen to you I feel like your MP3 should be sold along with a “Virginia is for Lovers” T-shirt at Urban Outfitters.

It’s cool you add classical elements to your songs, but you don’t do it well. I’d rather just listen to good classical like Erik Satie, Debussy, Beethoven, Mozart, Vivaldi, etc.  The harmonies are meh, the melody is meh.  None of this really matters because Julian Casablancas said you’re one of his current favorite bands.  So asking “will kids go to your shows purely on that fact alone?” is kind of like that old saying “does a bear shit in the woods?”.

Please don’t stop your synthesized moodiness. I fu*king love it. Some may say the genre is getting a bit played out seeing that there’s 5 million bands that sound like they worship Joy Division and The Smiths out right now, but I don’t care. When most of you inevitably get dropped by your labels (because like I said you all sound alike) and they’ve moved onto the next genre (possibly 18th century disco played on harpsichords) it’s ok because I’ll still love you.

Since you will all also be jobless, I’ll build a town just for us and we can play our sexy post-punk together in our own little commune called Melancholia.

I’m serious too, the rest of the world can go fu*k itself because as far as I’m concerned I could live in a Joy Division record like Jeff Bridges lived in Tron.

In conclusion keep on making your bittersweet music and I’ll be building my little place for us to ride it out when the world bores of you.  Not too worry poodle, you’ll come back in style in another 10 years or so! In the meantime I will adore you.

*Winks and Nudges,
Angie Louder

P.S.  My friend just asked me if I was kidding and nope, I am dead-ass serious.  Really.

Wave Machines are a band from the Northwest of England that are about to get a big push in the US and for good reason.  They’re a melodic indie band that nudges the envelope ever so slightly enough to retain mainstream appeal, but bold enough that they stand out amongst the crowd.  By crowd, I mean the massive amounts of bands that regurgitate the same sound until they all blend into a saccharine sweet smoothie of easily palatable mush…sweet, but you couldn’t tell one from the other if your life depended on it.

I received an MP3 of “Punk Spirit” by an A&R friend before the record label put their two cents in and it was a bit better.  It’s still good and I dig it vigorously, but the original had more “punk spirit” you could say.  The current version is good, but the original had a certain something.  It was a bit edgier, but that’s just my opinion and like a**holes, we all have one.  Mine just tends to be better than most.

Band Sex/ Sounds Like: The Klaxons hiding out in a seedy pub with The Libertines, but refusing the party favours snorted off a hooker’s ass.

http://www.myspace.com/mywavemachine

Joy Division as Warsaw “Warsaw”

Joy Division pioneered the post-punk sound and for that I will always be grateful.  Forming in 1976, under the name Warsaw, they recorded this self-titled track.  They soon changed their name to Joy Division and two immensely influential records later had a hit with “Love Will Tear Us Apart”.  After the suicide of their singer Ian Curtis they reformed as New Order.  The story of this band has it all: sex, drugs, rock n’ roll, seizures, WWII obsessions, adultery and suicide.  Accordingly, a few movies have been made, but the legacy of dysfunction doesn’t compare to the musical legacy they left behind.  To quote Kelly Clarkson “my life would suck without you.”

Joy Division “Love Will Tear Us Apart”

New Order “Blue Monday”

Lissy Trullie is getting a lot of buzz in the NYC rock scene.  I wanted to know what the future held for this artist, so I consulted a friend (well a round plastic liquid-filled 8 Ball with 20 possible answers).

So Magic 8 Ball: Will Lissy Trullie be an indie darling touted by the media as the next big thing, but will fall short because she’s actually just regurgitating Strokes-esque riffs over electro beats with lax melodies and trite lyrics?

Magic 8 Ball says: “Signs point to yes.”

Shit. I’d roll it again, but that would be cheating.

P.S. In all fairness it’s decent, but nowhere near the level they make it out to be. I’d give it a 4 when the music media is trying to BS me into thinking it’s a 10.

http://www.myspace.com/lissytrullie